Sunday, 15 December 2013

Realistic expectations and goals for Modern Marriage

Hrithik Roshan and his wife Sussanne have decided to separate after 13 years of marriage. There was a lot of sad reaction to the fall out of the two “love birds”.  Many people posted on the Face book. Some comments are listed below
"The news is really bad. You guys were the ultimate couple. I am really upset, I really wish that you guys get back together soon," a certain Sanya Grover posted on Hrithik's Face book page.
Controversial model Poonam Pandey tweeted: "Hrithik Roshan and Sussanne Roshan splitting up. Such terrible news! Need to reinstate my faith in TRUE love."
"Don't want to know the reason, but I am deeply disheartened. Leave the past and get back with bang," posted one fan, with a Mauritius-based Sunnee Hauradhur adding: "Absolutely heartbreaking to see Hrithik Roshan separates with his wife. Sad to see them throw away 17 years."
All humans have similar marriage patterns.There is love,hate,quarrels,forgiveness and patch-ups.That is, there are no godlike, ideal marriages in human, real life.
There is a generous amount of public denial of course by the married couples and lots of people put up a nice smooth social fa├žade of "everything is fine" in their marriages! We had heard Hrithik Roshan say that many a times!!
But looking honestly into modern marriage, whether first, second, or third, there will always be and indeed there is plenty of negative mirroring and friction.
A marriage must provide for growth of  both individuals through this negative mirroring and friction. This can only be achieved through the conflicts of the partners and resolving these conflicts.It is essential that the two independent individuals who entered the partnership of marriage, should not forget ,that the main goal of marriage is to provide, a sanctuary of mutual understanding and emotional support to each other.
These two independent people choose to trust each other but they forget that. Partners in trust can provide to each other a degree of social dignity and comfort, even while each partner continues to "work on their stuff”.
It is very essential for the karmic process that one should maintain faith in the possibility of a balanced partnership. It is smart and emotionally healthy to persist in the practice of entering into human partnerships, being hurt, practicing forgiveness, being healed, and being hurt again.
Entering the intimate psychic and physical space of another person is often a painful karmic process, but it is also a spiritual privilege, because to know the heart of another is to know the heart of the divine. Relationships are, indeed, the ultimate spiritual practice! And like all high-value spiritual practice, intimate partnership like marriage, can feel both exhilarating and blissful, but also bitterly painful and difficult - at times.
Successful Marriage requires discipline, self-knowledge, and moral effort.
Marriage can only survive when there is Agreement on how to conduct the division of karmic labor. The higher and more spiritual sophisticated the agreement level (spiritual, mental, social, financial, and physical) the easier is the partnership.
·   Physical work = not only doing the labor, but agreeing on how to do it, requires constant attention.
·   Spiritual work = For those who feel ready to accept the austerity, marriage can be a high-speed vehicle toward self consciousness.
There is never perfect agreement (as long as humans have egos, anyway) and so there is never an effortless marriage. Marriage is actually a living spiritual environment. It is like a garden which must be lovingly tended, through drought and frost, in good years and bad. It has weather cycles like the earth. A long dry spell might kill it.
Clearly marriage is not a "thing" or an "achievement" but rather an interactive process. Marriage is an Ongoing yoga = a vital and supremely demanding negotiation for self-definition, core meaning, emotional security, and higher truth.
Marriage is a sophisticated spiritual practice  which needs dedication and wise guidance. The core of marriage practice is ongoing forgiveness which allows us to register disappointment, anger, grief etc. Forgiveness allows us to accept responsibility for the karma, and - at the point of acknowledgement - to release the suffering, by releasing the attachment to the cause.

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